Continuing On
by Blip-chan
Summary: 3 months after the events of Miranda, the crew is still trying to pull themselves together after Wash's death. But when Mal hires a new pilot, Zoe may be pushed over the edge.
1. Chapter 1

"Hear you need a pilot." Malcolm Reynolds cast a critical eye over the young woman in front of him. She was in her mid-twenties; her short, spiky red hair topped a wiry tanned frame. She was tall, and wore simple clothes, a cream blouse tucked into steel grey canvas pants. Two leather belts with brass buckles were slung at her waist, pouches clinking as she moved. A gun was holstered at either thigh and leather boots brushed her calves.

"I'm Vee Dobson." There was a tan coat slung over one arm, but she held out her other hand, smiling warmly. Mal did not take her hand.

"How do I know I can trust you?" he said. Vee just shrugged.

"It's not like I've been living above the law, or anything," she said with a snort. Growing serious, she pulled Mal close. "Look, you go talk to Derrik and he'll vouch for me. I've been his runner for 3 years, and you know as well as I do that folks like that aren't…legal all the time."

"If you've been with him for so long, why's he letting you go?"

"I'm sick of this mudball, and he's got an adequate replacement. He knows I've been looking for more interesting work. And you're the Mal Reynolds. What's more interesting than that?" I'll tell you what. I'll be at the Maypole this evening. Bring your crew. Drinks on me."

"Tell me you're not seriously considering this, Mal."

"Zoë, I have to. No matter what way you look at it, Serenity's without a pilot." Zoë and Mal stood facing each other across opposite ends of the table. Zoë had been fighting with him long after he had convinced the others.

"Mal, me and River got us here. Surely we don't need to bring someone else into the equation. It could be dangerous. The bounty alone would make any one think twice about not turning us in. River and me can do just fine!"

"You and River got us here because no one was shooting at us. As soon as the shooting starts, I want an experienced pilot at the helm. No matter how much I like River, I can't trust her to keep her head in a tight spot." Mal could see that Zoë was unmoved. "Think about it. If Wash had to leave, he would have told me the exact same thing. In a profession like ours, we can't afford to fly blind. You know that. You're just upset because you feel like I'm trying to replace Wash. You know I'm not. I couldn't. Zoë, I want you to give her a chance and try to play nice. Can you do that for me?"

"Lets get this gakking shit over with."

The Maypole was just as Vee described it. It was small, but classy, warmly lit by candles and gas-lamps. The room seemed bigger than it was, mirrors and warm wood paneling giving it a homey feeling that always failed to set Mal at ease. He saw Vee sitting at a small oval table and gave a small smile, steering the crew over to the table she as at.

"Vee, this is Jayne, River, Simon, Kaylee and-" he paused. "Zoë."

"I'm Vee. Nice to meet you all!" She paused for a moment as her eyes slid over River and Zoë, but then she smiled and gestured to the table. Jayne, Simon, River and Kaylee sat, but Zoë pulled Mal aside.

"That girl can't be twenty if she's a day! You really think it's a good idea to bring a child on board?" She hissed, glaring over her shoulder. "This is a horrible idea!"

"My sources say she's 26, Zoë," Mal said firmly. "Stop fighting me, Zoë." She sat down in a huff, pointedly ignoring the easy banter being exchanged by the others. Vee was shamelessly flirting with Janye, much to the amusement of the others and she was regaling them tales of close calls and high adventure. Suddenly, both Vee and River went stiff.

"Reavers," Vee breathed, hands going to her guns. Screams began to filter into the restaurant, but the others were stock-still.

"You feel them too?" Simon asked, shock and disbelief lacing his voice.

"River's not the only one with cuts in her brain," Vee Said cryptically, the mood grim. "Let's get out of here before this becomes a bloodbath." She led them out of a side door to her waiting hover-bike, heavy armored sidecars like rockets hanging off the sides.

"River Simon, Kaylee, right side," she said, gesturing. "Jayne, Zoë, left side. Mal, you're with me. Buckle up! It's gonna be a wild ride." Scarcely giving them a moment to settle, Vee opened the throttle, as the bike swerved into a hard turn.

"What dock?" she called as they sped through an open courtyard.

"VD 16," Mal called. As they careened into the docking bay, the Reavers came into view. It was already bloody, people running and screaming in every direction. Mal cursed as he saw where the Reavers had set down, squarely between them and Serenity. Vee just gave a wry chucke.

"Let's get ready for a game of Reaver tag. Hold on!" Lifting the nose of the bike higher into the air, she flipped a switch, revealing two semi-automatic machine guns embedded in the nose. Powering down one engine, Vee sent the bike into a dizzying spin, spraying the Reavers in a deadly wash of bullets. Using a perfectly timed, power-down, she was able to come out of the spin in complete control and they weren't going my slower than when they had started. They reached Serenity with surprising ease after that, and once that had gotten safely off the ground, the Reavers were unable to follow.

"So, did I get the job?" Vee asked breathlessly once they were safely in the air and flying out of the boarder town.

"I'd say so," Mal said with a relieved chuckle. "I would sure say so."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry it's short. Just a little bit of plot development. River's next!

"You owe me an explanation," Simon said, standing in the doorway. "You say you're like River. But why aren't you—like her? I've been trying and trying to fix her and you just walk in here, claiming you're just like her, and you're completely normal, and yet you share the exact same mental traits. What separates you from my sister? How can I fix her? I need to know." Vee gave him a level stare, not saying anything. "I need to know!"

"You know nothing about the Academy, do you?" she snapped, turning back to the console, scrolling through the coordinates mildly annoyed. "You did your sister a huge disservice by yanking her out of there like that. Her state is all your fault. If you had left her—"

"If I had left her she would have become an alliance slave! They would have broken her into a million little pieces and I never would have been able to get her back. They were experimenting on her for God's sake!"

"You have no idea what the Academy is really about, do you?"

"And you know so much, how?" he asked, hands gripping the doorframe so hard they were white.

"If you'll excuse me," she said, voice dripping with acid, "I have a ship to pilot and I'd hate to crash." Simon glared at her non-answer, but she was paying him no attention.

"I don't trust you," he said finally, half turned to leave the room. "I'll be watching you. One fishy move, and I'll have Mal on your ass faster than you can blink."

"I'll take that into account."

"Mal, I don't trust her." After his exchange in the bridge, Simon went straight to Mal, the nagging worries buzzing in his head like flies. "She knows something about the Alliance that she isn't telling us. She knows about the _Academy_ of all things! This seems like such a bad idea."

"Everyone keeps telling me that," Mal grumbled. "Look," he said, taking a deep breath. "I'm gonna stand by my decision until she gives me a reason not to. That flying back earthside was a nifty piece of work and I won't pass up on that sort of skill without a reason. Just trust me, ok?"

"I don't, Mal, but I'll give her a chance."


	3. Chapter 3

There was a soft knock on the door to the bridge. Vee smiled and called out to River, who was hovering at the edge of the room. She was bombarded with a kaleidoscope of mental images as River came into the room. They were forceful, almost painful, and Vee groaned as she tried to sort through the scattered snapshots and sound bytes pressing against her mind.

You can hear me? River's inner voice was bouncy and excited and the rush of images didn't ease, faces swirling behind Vee's eyes like a broken camera. She sent a calming wave of thoughts towards River nd sighed in relief as the torrent eased.

The others can't hear me, River continued, the joy and relief in her thoughts still clearly evident. It's just so hard to put my thought into words and when I do, they just don't understand! It's like they're shut off from me, like someone hasn't turned on a switch.

They are shut off, River, Vee said sadly. They all are. And yet they think it's us with the problems. Vee could hear the pause in River's thoughts. Suddenly Vee was flooding with not images, per say, but photographic stills of Simon, overlaid with sound and River's own emotions. Vee felt flooded with guilt as she realized how wrong she had been about Simon. She saw that while he had no idea what they were doing with her, he had been motivated by love. He treated her like a human being despite her problems and all he was trying to do was help her. Vee had been nothing short of cruel to him and she regretted her words now that she knew more about the situation.

Don't feel too badly, River thought quietly to her, brushing a gentle mental hug against Vee's mind. If you seek him out and explain what's going on, he'll forgive you. I'll watch Serenity for you while I'm gone. Vee shot a grateful thought River's way and stood, taking a moment to stretch, easing her stiffening joints.

"Thank you River,"she said aloud. "I think I'm going to grow quite fond of you." River smiled and snuggled into the pilot's chair, knees pulled to her chest. The bubbling warmth in River's thoughts made Vee relax and she returned the smile, knowing River could feel it, before ducking out of the room into the hall.

Mal had shown her around the ship and shown her the important rooms when she had been signed on for the first time, but Vee took her time walking through the halls, examining the ship's make and frame. It was a sturdy ship, build for function, not for form like some of the ships she had flown in the days before the Academy. But it was a good ship, solid, well-made and respective and it made Vee feel safe, safer than she had felt in a long, long time. The very metal seemed to radiate something trustworthy and strong and the steady thrum of the motors made Vee think of nothing less than a purring cat.

"She's a strudy ol' gal, isn't she?" Vee turned to find the brown-haired woman introduced to her as Kaylee smilinbg sweetly at her, one hand pressed tenderly against the wall of the passage.

"She's a good ship," Vee agreed, returning the smile. "What kind of engine does she run?" The two of them fell into easy coversation about the ship and it's mechanics, finding an easy camraderie in their shared love of machines. They walked the halls aimlessly, chatting comforably, and Vee knew she liked Kaylee. The pleasant mood was broken, however, when they ran into Simon outside the infermary.

"Simon, I need to talk to you."

"About what?" He snapped, whirling to glare at a point over her head. "To tell me it's all my fault again? To tell me I can't fix her? That my sister is a messed-up freak and there's nothing I can do to help her? I don't want to hear any of that! You're the one who doesn't know anything about the situation. You think you know her becasue you went to the Academy, but she's far smarter, far kinder than you could ever be!" Vee felt her own temper rise.

"So you don't think it's possible that I might have made a mistake?" she said dryly, biting off her words like they were something distasteful. "I talked with River a bit and I think she's sweet. I didn't understand and now I do and I'm sorry!" The last part was almost yelled, but then Vee's eyes dropped to look at her feet. "I realise now that my sanity wasn't worth the price I had to pay. Trust me on this one. River has it better. She has you, after all." Vee spun on her heel, fighting to hide the tears pricking at her eyes. A sudden alarm kalxon broke her out of her reveire. A flood of fear not her own, made her heart lurch.

"RIVER!"

~ ~ ~

When The three of them found thier way back to the bridge, Vee took immidiate action. River was curled up in the corner shaking and when Vee brushed against her mind, the only image was the door to the Academy, specifically the Alliance crest.

"Allaiance," Vee muttered under her breath, staring at the sleak starship hovering in front of them and the boarding craft speeding towards them. Vee's eyes darted around for the intercom and when she saw the small green button, her feet were moving before she was even completly aware of it.

"This is Vee. Allaince boarding craft aproaching starboard. Prepare for evasive action." Taking the joystick, she pressed the ship into a hard nosedive, just missing the first of the Allaince crafts. But suddenly, she could feel the ship declerate rapidly. "We're caught in a magnet field!" The others had reached the bridge by this time, and Vee heard both Mal and Jayne give hearty curses.

"Can you shake it?" Mal asked, eyes over-bright with tension. Vee gave the ship a few test shakes and shook her head.

"Not in this tin can," she said. "No offence or anything," she backtracked at Kaylee's glare. "I told you, I like her, but she's no match for an Allaince Mag-beam. Prepare for an aft bording. They'll probably cut through into the aft passage. We can make a bottle-kneck for them there." The ship shuddered as the cutting lasers began to engage. The others all went for guns, but Rirver went for what looked like a Reaver axe.

"River," she said, her voice almost scodling. "You should stay here."

"I want to help," she said stubborly, and Vee dropped the subject. The others crowded into the far end of the dining area, most of them looking for ambush spots. But Vee stood right in the middle, looking completly unarmed.

"What are you DOING?" hissed Mal. But before Vee could answer, the first of the Allaince men reached the doorway.

"It's been a while, Victoria."

~ ~ ~  
A/N: Cliffie! Please leave a review. It would make me very happy! *bats eyes*


	4. Chapter 4

"It's been a while, Victoria." The oily voice slid over Vee's skin, making every hair on her neck stand up and all her muscles tense. The Alliance assassins swaggered into the room, eyes glued to Vee's face. The man in the lead, who had called out to her, had close-cropped jet-black hair and dark brown eyes set deep into a deceptively soft face. The two women standing behind him could have been twins, even though one was a redhead and one was a blonde. Their faces were mirrors of each other, porcelain skin, high cheekbones and cold black eyes. All three of them carried an air of casually restrained violence, like they were ready to pounce at a moments notice.

"I heard about Jason", said the man in front. "Such a shame. I really am sorry."

"Shut up!" Vee snarled, falling into a fighting stance. "You know what they made me do, Eric and you know why it was wrong, you bastard! Don't give me that 'I'm so sorry' bullshit!" A wave of concern from River was brushed aside as Vee shut her mind down, desperate for focus.

"You were weak," said the redhead, voice like polished steel. You should have been strong enough to have handled the events without breaking down. You didn't. Death is a normal part of life. You should just accept it."

"_Murder_ is not a natural part of life, Emmaline," Vee hissed, eyes darkening. "You would pin this all on me, you brainwashed freak. And besides, making me kill my own lover just because he was close to me is just—_wrong_!" Suddenly there was a blur of motion and Vee and Eric were circling each other on the other side of the room.

The knife felt remarkably solid in Vee's hand and her brain took over, parrying instinctively without pause or doubt. But Eric was sharper than her and she knew it. He had graduated from the Academy a year before her and had been there for the 5 years after Vee had left. She was sure he was just toying with her, hiding a swift killing stroke behind that smirking face. But she knew that death was a far better alternative than going back, back to the probes and shockers and operations—River howled, an anguished scream ripping from her throat.

"No, no, no NO!" The psychic force of the cry blew Vee off her feet, head spinning as River's own memories of the academy blending with her own. She felt River's pain, so much more acute, flooding her as the other psychics were thrown back towards their ship. The rent hole in Serenity's side began to heave and twist as if it was closing on its own and suddenly, there was nothing, not even the hiss of air. The others were unconscious on the floor, having been knocked out by River's cry. River herself was curled in the corner, body heaving with cries.

_River_, Vee thought quietly, trying to break through River's wall of grief. _I need you to come with me_ _to the bridge. I need to fly. We've got to get Serenity down for repairs and I don't want to leave you here by yourself._

_The others?_

_I can't tend to them right now. We can't get caught._ River seemed to understand, pulling herself to her feet. Vee put a comforting arm around her shoulders, steering the unseeing girl to the co-pilots chair and sitting her down.

_I'm so sorry, River. You had it so much worse than I did._ Vee turned to the console, powering up the main engine. _You want to talk?_

_No._ River's answer was a serrated knife of pain in Vee's mind and her heart lurched. What was really eating at her was how helpless the girl was. Vee had had others around her, others who could speak mind to mind and steady her during the lonely and sometimes frightening period where her new powers were still growing. River had never had that and, forced to find her own way, had no way to communicate the complex feelings bottled in her mind. Vee couldn't even brush her mind against River's without almost dying from the pain rolling off her and she kept her mind on bringing Serenity into an empty clearing. As the ship settled on the ground, Simon staggered into the room. Vee could feel the relief as his eyes alighted on River, but then the guilt came back.

"It's not your fault, Simon," she said softly, ignoring the soft gasp that greeted her. "You couldn't have known."

"I'm…sorry I yelled at you," he said finally. "It's just—"

"When it comes to River, you're very protective, I know," Vee said with a gentle smile. "Until I talked to her, I didn't understand how much you cared for her. She adores you, by the way. Just doesn't know how to explain it. I wish—" Vee stopped abruptly, looking at her feet.

"You wish what?"

"That I hadn't killed the one person who cared for me the way you care for River."


	5. Chapter 5

Simon blinked, processing the information Vee had just unloaded. More and more of this woman was unfolding right before his eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, fighting the urge to take a step towards her. "It might—"

"No," she said bluntly. "I don't want to talk about it." An amused, but concerned ripple came from River and Vee felt her muscles uncoil, letting the bad memories ease. But she was only given a moment of rest.

"What in the 'verse was that, Vee?" Mal, who was still slightly shaky, had stormed into the room. "Why the hell did you bring gakking assassins here? I had no idea you were a spy!"

"I'm not!" Vee said, spinning to her feet. "Do you think I wanted that?"

"But you knew them, didn't you?" Vee couldn't deny the truth of that and fell silent. By then, Zoë and Jayne had filed in, faces stormy. Vee stepped back, hunching over against the eyes punching into her back. She knew she was a hairs' breath away from a bullet in the back of her head, and she knew that she deserved it.

"She's not bad," River said quietly, surprising everyone by speaking up for her. "They just—feel us. We're like beacons if you know what to look for. I think they were watching her." Four pairs of eyes latched onto Vee, who said nothing, swamped by guilt. River kept sending pulses of kindness with her mind but Vee couldn't let her ease her pain.

I did this to them, Vee thought sadly. They'll never trust me and I'm just going to have to leave if I don't want to hurt them. I've always been on my own and it's just gonna have to stay that way. Vee felt, rather than saw, River's frown, which only added to the doubts pressing on her.

"Don't leave, Vee," River said softly. "I like being with you. You get me." Vee gave River a sad smile.

"I don't want to put you at risk, River. They'll find me if I'm on this ship. And if hey find me, they find all of you and the Academy will take you back, the others will be thrown in jail or worse, killed!" Vee was fighting tears. "I don't want to kill any more people who are important to me."

"Well, you're gonna have ta try harder," Jayne said bitterly. "Mal, I got those Alliance scum bound and back in their ship. Sealed them in the safety pod. What we gonna do with them?" Mal frowned, biting his lip.

"Kill them," he said after a moment. "Don't want them on our tail." Jayne turned and left, but Vee caught the clink of a loosened blade before he disappeared down the hall. "As for you…" Mal drew another deep breath, eyes on Vee. "You get off when we get landside. Until then, I'm keeping a close eye on you." Vee grit her teeth and nodded, not turning around. "Land us on Commera. We need to check out the damage they caused and get repairs done." Mal and Zoë strode out, leaving Simon, River and Vee on the bridge in silence.

"So..." Simon said finally, breaking the tense feeling in the air. "I'm going to the Infirmary to do an inventory if we're stopping somewhere for supplies. I'll talk to you later?" Neither of them responded and Simon snuck out without saying anything else. Once he was gone, Vee let out an odd hiccupping sound and buried her face in her arm, pulling her knees up into a fetal position.

"Do-don't cry," River murmured. Brushing against Vee's mind, River got the distinct images of blood and violence. She tried to project images of peaceful events, like sunsets and running water, but the storm in Vee's head would not abate. Casting a strong image of Serenity, River yelled at her to start flying. Red eyed and exhausted, Vee took the helm, doing whatever she could to keep the bloody memories out of her head.

Serenity set down on Commera just outside of the main city of Dresden in a field of early summer grasses. The others were happy to get outside, but Vee stayed curled up in the pilot's chair moping. Kaylee was overjoyed at the pleasant weather and was cheerfully trying to get Vee outside, to no avail. River remained staunchly at hr side.

"Please, Vee," Kaylee begged for the fourth time. "You're just sitting in here feeling sorry for yourself. Please come and enjoy the nice weather. You can help me with the ship. I could use an extra hand. Please?"

"Fine," Vee said shortly, standing and nodding to River. "Let's go out." The weather was as nice as Kaylee had promised. The summer grass was almost waist high and the smell of wild roses infused the air. As Vee clambered onto the side of the ship, she felt like she could see forever. The grassy plains swept all the way to low foothills off in the distance and a light breeze carried the rustling of the plains to Vee's ears. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and bathing in the sun.

It's not a bad place to be grounded, she thought with a sad smile. One speeder and I could just go for miles. Good thing I still have my old work bike with me. Maybe I'll be a post deliverer or something. She turned back to the ship, taking the spot welder that Kaylee gave her to help rework the warped metals. The work was straightforward and soothing, and soon the pair of them were chatting away like old friends.

"I can't believe you're leaving," Kaylee said softly, giving a quick glance at Mal. "I liked having you here. You're a good mechanic."

"Tell him that," Vee said bitterly. Maybe you can convince him to let me stay on a little longer.

"River will vouch for you," Kaylee said with a smile. "And I will too."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry this took so long, guys…I feel really bad but I had horrid writer's block. I don't really like this very much, but I felt like I owed you an update. Please review!

The first thing Vee's noticed as she gummy eyes pried themselves open was how much her legs hurt. Then she noticed the voices.

"The place was crawling with them, Mal. We were lucky to get out of there alive."

"She's right boss. And we couldn't leave her there to die. She saved our gorram hides!"

"Jayne…" The quiet but heated argument outside the med-bay triggered her sluggish memory. It had been a simple supply run into town, just Kaylee, Jayne and her in the buggy. They had needed a few things to finish the repairs on the ship, nothing vital, but important enough to warrant a trip. But there had been an unexpected Alliance checkpoint, and the crew of Serenity, being less than legal, had no papers. They had gotten through after a tense bit of negotiation, but a firefight had broken out on the way back to the ship with the supplies. Vee had taken multiple shots to the legs as she tried to keep them clear, and the rest of the trip was just hazy pain.

"She stays." River's calm monotone ended the discussion. "And she is awake as well." At this, a blurry face floated into her vision, reluctantly focusing into Simon after a few slow blinks.

"Are you in pain?" he asked moving to change some of the smaller bandages on her arms and torso. Pain seemed a gross understatement at this point. Her legs felt more like lava than legs, and even breathing sent flares of pain through them. The cleaner used to sterilize the bumps and scrapes on her arms and chest didn't help, as it stung like acid.

"Yah," Vee croaked, voice cracked with dust. A glass of cool water was pressed to her lips and she drank greedily. But then the pain came back and she went limp again. Simon poured a vial of clear liquid into a syringe and tapped it to prepare for an injection. "I'm going to put you back under," he said as he swabbed an uninjured spot on her arm. It will be easier on your body." There was a prick and after a few moments, blessed, painless shadows crept over her vision.

Vee's recovery was slow and painful. Mal still didn't trust her, but he put up with her, and Zoë was downright chilly, but Kaylee, Jayne, River and Simon always kept her company when she needed it. Vee was surprised that the surly merc had taken to her, but she was grateful for his presence. He had helped her move her cot up near the bridge so she didn't have to navigate the stairs and he and Kaylee were often found with her, talking about all sorts of things, from family life to the state of the ship. She found a lot in common with him, and admired his dedication to sending money back to his mother.

"You're lucky you still have a family, Jay," she said, using a nickname for him that she knew got under his skin a little. "My family consists of no one I want to reconnect with, but it's cute how much of a mama's boy you are."

"Hey!" he said, a look of great hurt on his face. "I resent that!" Kaylee burst into warm laughter and Vee smiled.

"You're too easy to rib," Kaylee said when her fit died. A cough interrupted their conversation and Vee looked up.

Mal was sanding in the doorway, waiting to speak with her. There was a stormy look on his face and Vee was not looking forward to finding out what was bothering him so much.

"New coordinates, fly-girl," he said, using his contemptuous nickname for her, picked up from Zoë. "We're picking up Inara at Persephone. "'Verse knows what someone like her is doing there."

"She has clients everywhere Mal," Kaylee said. "She is a Companion, after all." Mal shrugged and Vee looked up sharply.

"A companion?"

"You have a problem with that?"

"They are glorified prostitutes," Vee snapped. "All the ritual in the 'Verse won't change that."

"She's not a prostitute!" retorted Mal, balling his fists.

"So she gets to choose who she has sex with, big deal," sighed Vee, rolling her eyes. "Don't mean she doesn't get paid for sex."

"I won't have that sort of talk around her, you hear?"

"Aww, does someone have a crush?" Mal froze, his face a livid mask. He made a step towards her, but Vee spun her chair back around and began punching the coordinates into the computer bank. "You have a problem with me speaking my mind?" Vee said, voice dangerously quiet. "I do everything you ask without question, but, if you may recall, you asked if I had a problem with it and I told you. It doesn't mean I won't do it, nor does it men that I will be anything less than civil to your guest. Now, is there anything else you wish to inform me of? Sir?" Mal stalked out, unable to form any coherent words.

"You really ought to stay on his good side," Kaylee said with concern after he had departed. "He really will kick you off if you give him an excuse to." Vee muttered something inaudible under her breath. Her legs hurt and she was in an utterly foul mood and had no way to make it better. Kaylee put a soft hand on her shoulder.

"You'll like Inara," she said, trying to defuse the tension. "She's actually quite nice."

"That may be true, but it doesn't change my mind," Vee muttered, balling her fists. "She ought to have chosen a more dignified profession."

"It is a dignified profession."

"Flying is dignified. Selling your body is not, even if you get to cavort with governors and nobility."

"Are you living a dignified life?" Kaylee's voice was slightly amused and not just a little bit interested.

"It is now. But it wasn't before. Being a killer is just as bad as being a whore."

"You will have to kill here," Kaylee said quietly.

"I know."


	7. Chapter 7

"Inara, there have been a few…changes on Serenity since the last time you've been on board." Inara gazed serenely at him.

"Changes?"

"Wash died, remember? We talked about it. I had to take on a new pilot. She's…a piece of work." A slight frown fell over Inara's face as she observed Mal's shifting expression. She could tell right away that he didn't like his new pilot, and was impressed that Mal was keeping it together.

"I'd like to meet her."

"I'm not sure she would."

"Is it that bad?"

"Yes. The only reason I haven't marooned her somewhere is because she gets along with the rest of the crew so well. If I didn't know any better, I'd think there might be some crushing going on. Jayne, as rough around the edges as he is, seems like a totally different man. If Vee was more the malicious type, he'd never rest falling over her like he does." Mal remembered walking in on one of their chats. He had never seen such a soft look on Jayne's face as he talked about his mother. Despite Jayne's rough exterior, Mal was learning how emotional he could really be. Even River seemed happier, which was a relief, but Mal just couldn't connect to her. He felt that she didn't respect him, that her own experiences outweighed his, even though she was just a pilot he took pity on.

_She doesn't under stand what I'm fighting for_, he thought sourly. _She thinks she's special just because she gradated from the stupid Academy and can hear River in her mind._

"Mal?" Mal blinked, shaken from his thoughts by Inara's voice. Inara looked him over slowly. There were shadows under his eyes, faint, but noticeable to someone as familiar with him as Inara was. There were new creases around his mouth too, adding a severity Inara was unfamiliar with. "You need to take better care of yourself. You look tired."

"Inara, please."

"You miss Wash too. It's understandable. Zoë has been your friend longer than anybody and I bet she's hurting terribly. I should go to her. See if she'll talk to me."

"She may not."

"I have to try. I'm sure you haven't tried. You've never handled loss well. You'd have no idea where to start." There was humor in her eyes, despite the truth in her words. Mal hadn't tried to talk to Zoë and regretted it. But Inara was spot on when she said he had no idea where to start. But he had to start somewhere.

"I hate her, Mal!" Mal and Inara had pulled Zoë aside, worry in their eyes. It was clear she hadn't been sleeping well and it looked like she was loosing weight. When they had brought it up, Zoë had simply exploded.

"It's like she's always been here. Everyone likes her and spends time with her. Jayne is her gakking lap dog, River's always with her and Kaylee keeps gushing bout how helpful she is with the ship. No one seems to miss him except me!" At this, Zoë burst into angry tears, collapsing on her bed as sobs ripped through her. Inara sat beside her, resting a gentle hand on Zoë's heaving back.

"Zoë, you're being irrational. Of course the others miss him. They need to laugh. But I'm sure he is in their thoughts."

"But you haven't seen them, Inara! You haven't seen!" Inara pulled Zoë into her arms, cradling the grief- stricken woman as she murmured soft nonsense words n her ear to cal her. Kaylee walked by the open door at that moment, freezing when she saw how distressed Zoë was.

"Oh, Zo. We miss him. We really do." Kaylee folded herself across the pair of them, stroking Zoë's hair. "But we can't afford to be sad all the time. And besides, once you get to know her, Vee's really sweet. She can be a little short tempered, and she has a bit of a dirty mouth, but she's very understanding. Give her a chance, Zo. For us."

"Wash wouldn't want you to waste away with grief, either," came Inara's level voice. "Get up, wash your face and give us a smile, will you?" There was a twinkle in her warm gaze and Zoë couldn't help but give a weak smile.

"I needed that, guys," she said softly. "Thank you." The three of them stood up, Zoë rubbing at her eyes, and they smiled at each other, eyes over bright. Mal coughed, embarrassed by the flood of emotion in the room.

"I'm not sure about you three, but now that this love fest is over, I could really use a drink." The three women turned and stared at him.

"Mal?"

"We can get everyone together for a little party and introductions. It would be nice. And it's almost your birthday, Kaylee. We can call it an early birthday party." Kaylee blushed, feeling a little bashful.

"It's sweet of you to remember, Mal," she said, a bright grin crossing her face. "Normally we have to drag you to these sorts of things." Mal rolled his eyes as they left the room, slinging an arm affectionately around Zoë's shoulders.

"What can I say?" he asked, tongue-in-cheek. "I'm just like that." A ripple of laughter bubbled through the halls, the first real laughter from Zoë since Wash's death.

A/N: I wanted to give the spotlight to some characters I've been neglecting recently, so here's a snippet of Mal and Zoë. Sorry it took me so long to update. I've been busy with AP classes and my SAT's…

And a huge hug to RionaEire who has read and reviewed every chapter so far. I can always count on her for insightful reviews and great ideas. You should all follow her example and drop me a line. *winkwink*


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I'm trying something a little different in the middle here, so bear with me. More drama! This isn't quite where I thought it was going but I wanted to re-write a bit, so here it is.

The mess felt homely for the first time since Miranda, and Mal was grateful for it. Quiet chatter warmed the room, even soft laughter. Vee had limped in, plopping herself between Jayne and River with a pained sigh. Her legs were still giving her trouble, the left especially, and Simon made a concerned sound as she sat.

"Are they any better?" He asked, a frown on his face. They had started basic rehabilitation, but it was going to be a long process.

"They're a little less stiff than before but they still hurt," Vee replied, rubbing her left thigh. "But little by little right?" Simon nodded and River rested her head against her shoulder in comfort. Mal tapped his glass, the gentle chime gathering everyone's attention.

"Well, it's been a while hasn't it?" Mal was smiling brightly, eyes tracking across the gathered group. "We've lost a friend and gained a friend and there 'Verse is still spinning. I would like to propose a toast to the wonderful crew I depend on." There was a chatter of agreement from everyone. Everyone except Zoë.

She sat rigid in her chair, eyes stormy. The crack of her knuckles went unheard over the hum of conversation, but everyone fell silent as she stood, glaring at Mal.

"Wash was part of this crew, Mal," she spat, her voice gravelly with suppressed tears. "There you go again, pretending it never happened, pretending that this is the way it should be. It isn't!" Her fists were balled against the table and her eyes were like a tracking beam latched on his face.

"Zoë," he began, hands raised in defense, "I know this is hard for you, but you can't expect us to be stuck in our grief. We have begun to move on. You should do the same."

"Move on?! How the hell am I supposed to move on when my husband died? How can you even pretend to know what I'm feeling? You're a commitment-phobe, Mal, too afraid to admit your feelings to anyone, let alone the woman you love and you have the gall to tell me my feelings are wrong, that I should be able to just 'get over' them." The last three words were emphasized by flying cutlery, first the knife and fork, then the plate and soon anything she could get her hands on. Soon, she stormed out of the room in a fit of angry crying. There was shocked silence afterwards, the rest of them sharing concerned looks. Vee's eyes were dark and her arms were folded across her chest.

"You didn't think it was important for me to know that I was replacing her husband as pilot of this ship?" There was confusion and hurt in her eyes as she glared at him.

"I didn't think—"

"That seems to be a bit of a problem lately. You know I would have approached this whole thing with Zoë differently if I had known what was really going on. Is there anything else you haven't told me that you think I should know?" Mal paused, running his tongue nervously over his mouth as he sat at a loss for words. Vee pushed herself to her feet, knees almost giving out as she tried to leave. Simon was at her side in a moment, helping her out of the room.

"You messed this up, Mal," Inara said quietly, shaking her head. "And you have to fix it now. If you'll excuse me…" Her voice made it more of an order than a request and Mal just nodded his head, gazing at no point in particular on the far wall.

~ ~ ~

"That was so—"

"Unfair, I know."

"Has he always been like that, Simon?"

"He often takes for granted that everyone knows what he knows, yes, but normally he's more together than this. I'd think this would be harder for him than he's letting on, especially since Zoë has been his best friend longer than any of us have ever even known him. They're really close, Vee, and the fact that Zoë thinks he's betrayed her must sting. This has been hard, hasn't it?"

"Has what been hard?"

"Adjusting to this new life here. It must feel like your stepping right into a world you don't know. We've been together for a while and there's a lot of…stuff involved with that."

"I'm used to being an outsider Simon. That's not hard."

"But—"

"That's just what my life has been like. Serenity feels more like home than anything else I've ever felt. But that's not saying much."

"Vee…Was it really that bad?"

"Yes."

~ ~ ~

Serenity had fallen quiet after the disastrous luncheon, but Mal felt like it was the quiet before the storm. He hadn't seen any of the rest of the crew since the meal and he was grateful for it.

I've really messed this up, Mal thought sadly. Maybe I should give this wild vagabond thing up and just find a place to settle down. I can't take much more of this. It's worse than the valley. At least I had something to fight for there. Staring at his calloused tan hands, Mal shook his head. I'm getting depressed, just like Zoë. A scream interrupted his morbid thoughts and he leapt to his feet.

"Oh my God! Someone get Simon! Hurry!" It was Kaylee. Running into the hallway, Mal found a distraught Kaylee, tears streaming down her face, eyes wide with panic. The thump of feet greeted Mal, pounding right above his head. Simon raced in, a medical kit in one hand.

"Kay, what's going on?"

"Zoë tried to kill herself!" Kaylee's voice was high and hysteric.

"WHAT?!" Mal and Simon exclaimed at the same time, ducking into the dark room that Zoë inhabited. What they found left little doubt as to what had happened.

Zoë lay on her bed, arm dangling off the side of the cot. A dark stain of blood pooled under her limp arm and she was white as a sheet. Simon raced to her side, a needle appearing in his grip. The others stood in shock, eyes wide. Simon was muttering, methodically rifling through his bag as he needed things. Finally, he stood and looked over.

"I've gotten her stable, but I need her down in the bay for a blood transfusion. Will someone help me carry her?"

Later, the others had gathered around the door to the medical bay, identical looks of fear and concern on their faces. Mal looked especially upset.

_This is my fault,_ Mal thought sadly. _If I had paid more attention, maybe gone after her when she stormed out…She'd better not die. I'll never forgive myself if that happened. _The soft click of a door closing caused them to all look up. Simon rubbed his hands slowly, not meeting anyone's eyes, before squaring his shoulders.

"I have gotten her stable and hooked up to an IV feed of both blood and nutrients. She's about 10 pounds underweight and seems exhausted." He paused before continuing. "My exam also showed something interesting. Zoe is pregnant."


	9. Chapter 9

Zoë blinked slowly as her eyes opened. Her whole body felt numb and heavy, and she couldn't move her arms or legs. She lay still, letting her vision clear and taking stock of her body. Her wrist throbbed slightly, as expected, but she also felt surprisingly bloated. The soft pad of feet mad her turn her head, which made her head spin and she groaned.

"Easy, Zo." Simon lay a cool hand on her head. "How you feeling?"

"Leaden." Simon sighed and moved out of her limited field of vision. She heard the hiss of a needle filling with liquid and sighed. She wanted to wake up and leave, hating being under Simon's eye and she hurt everywhere.

"You lost a lot of blood," he said softly. "I'm not surprised. Before I put you back under we need to have a talk."

"A talk?"

"Zoë, you're three and a half months pregnant." There was a pause where neither of them moved. Zoë felt the rush of her breath hitch and freeze as she fought her tears.

"I know." The quiet confession was a knife blade in her chest, and the scorching tears tracked down her face despite her will. Her voice caught in her throat and the words she intended to speak morphed into a sob. Her whole body shuddered under the force of her grief and she became light-headed and woozy. She barely noticed when Simon scooped her into his arms to let her cry against him. Simon himself had very little idea as to what she needed, so he just held her, doing his best to convey his sympathies. Never in his life had he had to deal with this sort of loss. When he had lost everything, at least he got to make a choice. Finally she began to calm down and she pulled away from him, face sticky and red.

"I knew a week before Miranda," she said softly, eyes down. "It was going to be a surprise and then we had to go and I thought it was a bad time so I was going to wait until after Miranda. But then there was no after. I can't do this by myself, Simon. I can't!"

"You're not alone, Zoë." Mal's voice made her head snap up, prompting another bout of dizziness.

"I've been so careless, Zo," he confessed, perching on the edge of the bed. "Here you are, pregnant and falling apart, while I'm here trying to ignore what happened. Believe me, I miss him, Zoë. But it can't be as bad as what you're going through." He paused, looking towards the door. The muscles in his face were taut and Zoë noticed the shadows on his face for the first time. "But I need you. You're the last link to what I'm fighting for. When we're together, I can imagine a place where you can have a family, where Simon can help River without being chased, where Kaylee can open her shop. I remember the dream. You understood that, when I was caught up in the anger of it. You always talked me off my high horse without ever making me look like a fool. You were unflinching in your loyalty and brave in the face of danger. Without you, I'm just another embittered browncoat who can't settle down. I need you." In the face of Mal's outburst, Zoë froze, unsure of her next step.

_I never knew he needed me so much,_ she though sadly. _But it's nice to know he cares. But the baby? I won't be able to raise a kid on this ship without Wash. I'll have to get rid of it. But it's the last living part of him. Can I really be responsible for killing that?  
_  
"I'll admit," Mal continued, snapping her out of her daze. "It would be nice to have a little sprout running around. I'm sure the others would be willing to help out."

"Did you read my mind or something?" Zoë said slightly sarcastic despite the wateriness of her voice. "I was just thinking that."

~ ~ ~

"Jayne, you've been standing there for at least 10 minutes. Is something the matter?" After hearing what happened to Zoë, Vee had retreated to her room, her mind a swirl of conflicting emotions. It was hard for her, living on Serenity, but she had begun to believe that she could be happy here, given a little time. She had a true friend and staunch ally in Kaylee and being able to share her experiences with River was cathartic, but the whole issue with Zoë was difficult. She didn't know quite how to handle what was going on, though she knew what Zoë was going through. Her own battle with grief had been much more personal and much more isolating, and Vee knew that Zoë did not think too favorably of her, further hindering any attempts Vee might make to help. It was an all around unpleasant situation.

"You seemed really upset," Jayne said softly, looking at the floor. "I want to help." Vee looked up sadly, eyes dark and unreadable.

"I'm not the one who needs help, Jayne."

"But—"

"But nothing. I'm upset that Mal didn't tell me about Wash, and I'm distressed about Zoë, but you can't help me with that. Go talk with Zoë if you need to help someone." Jayne met her eyes as he came to her side, plopping himself down beside her. He didn't touch her, but the faint warmth of his body inches away from her was oddly soothing to Vee. They sat in careful silence for a few minutes before either of them moved again. Jayne sighed and brushed his fingers over her knuckles before standing to leave.

Vee was bowled over by that one tiny gesture. Jayne had projected strong emotions and Vee's mind had been unguarded when he touched her. Idly rubbing the place where he had brushed against her hand, Vee tried to process what she had felt.

_It felt like love,_ she thought as she sorted the feelings out. _Love and concern and affection. But I can't— _A painfully familiar face floated up through her mind from the locked memories. It was almost the same face that had just left her room, just slightly different. His face had been softer, more feminine, but he had even trimmed his beard the same way and had the same manly swagger to cover his warm heart.

_Dennis… _

There was a knock on her door and she looked up into River's pinched face.

"She told me you were unhappy." The words were complemented by a quiet brush against her thoughts. River came and took Jayne's vacated seat and rested her head on Vee's shoulder.

_Who's Dennis?_ River asked mentally. _You've been thinking about him._ As soon as River asked, Vee's carefully constructed blocks began to crumble.

_Her father's slap across her face as he yelled, voice raised in anger. "Bitch!" The bruises she had to hide every morning with too much cheap make-up so her mother wouldn't cry. The angry stuffing of a carpet bag when she'd had enough and couldn't take it any more. The street gang that had become closer than family as she fought to survive in alleyways and sewers. The fateful break-in when the Alliance finally caught up with her. "Dennis, Leanne, go! Don't let them catch you!" The Academy. "He's a browncoat, Victoria. He needs to be removed." "Victoria, you said you loved me. Please don't kill me! It doesn't—" The blood. The iron smell of it filling every pore in her body. No, no, no, no, NO! _

"Vee!" She was being shaken. Her eyes snapped open to find Jayne's brown ones staring into her own, filled with _concernlovelovefear._ "You were shouting."


	10. Chapter 10

Vee looked away, unable to meet Jayne's eyes. She felt…off somehow and the press of her rediscovered memories was leaden weight. She was acutely aware of the warmth of his hand grasping her arm and her eyes burned as her heart superimposed the wrong image onto Jayne's face.

"What's going on, Vee?" His voice was saturated with emotion and his hand clenched unconsciously on her arm as he pulled her into a sitting position. " I could hear you all the way in my bunk. You were…distressed."

"It's none of your business," Vee said briskly, shaking him off without meeting his eyes. River had gone while Vee hadn't been watching, and the silence was uncomfortable as Jayne took her in. There was something about him, Vee decided, something she had missed before, something important.

_Loyalties run deep in him_, she thought, meeting his eyes for the first time. _I shouldn't take his feelings lightly. That would do a disservice to both of us. I ought to try to sort this out. He makes me feel…needed and I miss that sense of security. But can I love him? Every person I seem to get close to ends up dying because of me. I couldn't— _A warm hand brushed away the tears Vee hadn't realized she was shedding.

"It _is_ my business," came the soft reply. "You saved my life back on Everlene by warning us about the attack and now you can barely walk because of it. And besides I'm…fond of you. I don't like seeing you upset." The last part was barely a whisper and Vee felt the words as much as she heard them.

_He's as scared as I am_, Vee realized. _Maybe even more so_.

"I was in love once," Vee said quietly, almost inaudibly. "I was in love with the most wonderful man in the whole wide 'Verse and I had to kill him. It was the brainwashing. It was the Academy's specialty, see, breeding and training super-human assassins and killers to do their dirty work. They played a key role in Unification War, though most people don't know it, seeing as it was such a well-kept secret. My lover, Dennis, he was a browncoat, pretty powerful too, by my guess and they had me take him out because they knew I was close to him and that he trusted me. I went catatonic after I killed him. Even the conditioning of the Academy couldn't keep me from going mad. There was just so much blood, I—" The tears were coming faster now and she collapsed against Jayne, letting his warmth seep into her, easing the knots of tension in her body. Jayne cradled her and just let her cry. Soon, the sobs were reduced to sniffles and she looked at him again.

"You look so much like him," she said sadly as she took in his worry-creased face. She brushed against Jayne's mind to show him the things she couldn't say, letting the rawness of the pent up grief show for the first time since Dennis had died. Jayne felt his heart wrench at the clear agony of it, the unhealed void in her heart.

"You're brave to put up with all of that by yourself," he murmured, stroking Vee's hair. "But you don't have to anymore. If there's anything you need…" The offer was implicit in his silence, but Vee was glad he hadn't voiced it. She was so used to being on her own that she couldn't bear feeling any more helpless than she felt just then, cradled in the arms of someone she might just grow to love.

A very tired Simon dragged himself into his quarters, rubbing his hands across his bleary eyes. Bullet wounds and broken bones, he could deal with, but depression and bereavement, not so much. Zoë's grief pressed on him like a cold wet blanket and he was not dealing with it as well as he would have liked. He had lost a lot going after River when he learned the true nature of the Academy, but he had been able to weigh the options, to make a choice. Zoë hadn't been so lucky, and had suffered a loss Simon wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. No one deserved this sort of pain, and everyone was suffering under a cloud of grief. He looked around and was surprised to find River sitting at his desk, towering stacks of books surrounding her. There was a book in her lap, and she was methodically ripping page out of it and placing them in a neat pile beside her left hand.

"River! Those belong to Book!"

"Book is dead." Another page was gone in a rustling shredding noise, leaving almost half of the book empty. As Simon observed her he realized just how upset she was. Her eyes were dark and clouded with thoughts and hr hands were shaking slightly. The bags under her eyes seemed more pronounced than usual and she hunched over herself as if she was trying to disappear. Simon moved to stand behind her, still and silent as River continued to yank pages out of the musty leather tome.

"Illogical, she muttered, tugging especially hard at the next page she was trying to remove. "A caged animal is just illogical." Simon touched her shoulder, making her flinch.

"River, that's enough. I need to put those away."

"It's broken," was her response. "I'm just trying to fix it."

"So you're going to keep it?" Mal was standing in the doorway to Zoë's quarters, eyes warm.

"As long…You'll help me won't you?" There was still nervousness in Zoë's face as she gazed serenely at Mal. "I can't do this on my own, you know that. I'd be better off just getting rid of it."

"Of course we'll help you, Zoë. The kid'll be good for all of us."

"You think?"

"Sure. And besides, that's the last piece of Wash any of us will ever have. I'd be cruel to take that away from you. You need this Zoë. You need something to care about now that he's gone. This is the perfect thing to get you through this." The cheer in his voice was a little false, but Zoë appreciated the sentiment. She was glad Mal thought she should keep the baby. She really wanted to, but she'd hate to bring the child into a world without any sort of stability. Not that much was stable about life on Serenity, but it was better than nothing, and if the others helped she thought she could manage. And Mal was right about one thing: she really needed this baby.

_A/N: I hope I got River right. I was a bit nervous about that part. Hope you're enjoying where I'm going with this! Please leave a review!_


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Sorry this is so short, but I've needed to get this little part done and I've had a bit of writer's block as to how I might expand it. It's just a little bit of necessary plot development, but I'll try to have a chapter up soonish. As always, drop me a line if you likd it!

"So she killed Eric and Emmaline?"

"I am sure the Tam girl had some hand in it. We know how raw and untapped her powers are. Victoria may have been trained, but she never had anywhere near the same raw potential that River had."

"But Victoria may be able to, well, develop River's unusual gifts. She always had an innate ability to empathize with others."

"It's not a risk we can take. Both of them must be eliminated."

"But-"

"But nothing. We have tried unsuccessfully to retrieve River Tam for an extended period of time, and now that this…unexpected variable has been added to the equation, we cannot take any risks."

"Who can we send?"

"At this time, I am unsure, but I will keep you informed."

"We have to do something absolutely cute for the baby." A very eager Kaylee was just bubbling now that Zoë was keeping the baby. Everyone was quite relieved and Zoë herself seemed in better spirits, though she was still wan and weak after loosing so much blood. Simon kept her in the medbay, but he said he would release her once she gained a little more color.

"Kaylee, the baby isn't due for over 5 months. Relax!" Vee had left quite quickly after the events with Jayne, still unable to look him in the eye. She refused to confront him, unable to risk alienating him and loosing his friendship.

"Well, better plan ahead! Knowing the sort of stuff we get up to, we can't take any chances." Kaylee said lightly, a wide grin on her face. She seemed oblivious to the new tension between the two of them and refused to leave either of them out in her various light activities. The pair of them stood by Wash's old quarters, which Zoë had left untouched after he had died. Kaylee stuck her head in, and made a gleeful noise.

"That's it! I'll make her some baby clothes out of Wash's old Hawaii print t-shirts! That would be so cute!"

"You're so right!" Vee was a little over excited, but Kaylee didn't notice the mildly false lilt in her voice. The two of them settled down to picking out shirts. There was one that both of them chose right away. It was mint green and salmon pink with palm trees on it and the two of them just fell in love with it. There was also a sky blue one with sunsets and a bright green one with red hibiscus flowers. Taking these three shirts, they retreated to the engine room, where Kaylee had somehow appropriated as sowing machine. When asked, Kaylee just smiled and shrugged all questions off. As they cut and sewed, they fell into companionable silence and worked all afternoon together without saying a word.

~ ~ ~

"We have decided to send Valencia. She has close connections with the Companion Inara, and should be able to get on board for at least a short period of time."

"Will it be enough?"

"She will be on strict orders to ground the ship and then report it's current location to us. Hopefully this can achieve two goals for us by having Victoria blamed instead as well as allowing us to recapture the Tam girl and eliminate Victoria."


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: it's another short update, I know. I just have a bit of writer's block on where I want to go with this. I've got part of the next bit written, but I didn't think you guys should wait anymore and this is a nice sweet moment. As always, drop me a line!

The dark, glittering expanse of space was a muffling blanket as Vee sat at the control panel in the cockpit of Serenity, knees drawn to her chest. The past few weeks had been stressful and normally the dark void of space and its glimmering specks of stars brought her comfort. But today, the stars were just a silent witness to her inner turmoil.

"Vee?" The bright bubble of River's mind touched Vee from the doorway, making Vee smile. River, so like Vee in many ways, was always a bright spot and Vee turned a genuine smile on her face.

"We're going to try something today to see if it helps you at all," Vee said warmly. "You might benefit from meditation. It often calms me when my mind is whirling." Beckoning to River with a small smile, Vee sat river down in front of her, resting River's head against her knees.

"This might hurt. Don't block me out."

Resting her hands on the crown of River's head, Vee slowed her breathing, quickly falling into a light meditation as she had been taught. The deeper she fell her relaxation, the more obvious River's mental trauma became. River's mind was a tumult of half formed thought and clamoring voices, many not her own. They twisted around River's thoughts like a tornado, blocking out most of her true consciousness.

_They must have just begun her mental conditioning_, Vee thought sadly. _I remember feeling like this. It was horrible._ As she began to press further into River's mind, Vee felt her begin to struggle. She was surprised at the force with which River fought, but only for an instant. She knew how powerful River was as a psychic and that she reacted strongly when she was frightened.

_River, it's just Vee. I am not going to hurt you._ At this, River relaxed and Vee was able to slip through the barriers into River's mind. Sending clear slow pulses, Vee coaxed River into breathing with her. At first river had a hard time focusing, but soon her mind began to clear and fall into a clam regular pattern, the voices dying away. As River's own mind began to bloom in relief, Vee smiled.

_It feels a lot better now doesn't it?_

_I can't believe I hadn't found this solution! _

As Vee was exposed to River's true self, she felt her heart wrench in pity. River was, in many ways, still a girl, forced to grow up far too quickly. Due to her brilliant mind, River had never really had a childhood and the expectations put on her were immense. But she was thriving despite her disadvantages. Vee could feel her immense love for her brother Simon and the trust she had for all the crew here, even her.

_It's so quiet_, River thought, a mental grin filling her thoughts. _Was this really all I needed?_

_It is not a permanent fix_, Vee thought softly, but it has the potential to be really helpful. _We'll wait and see yes?_

_Thank you!_


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I'm so sorry I've been MIA, but this file was in a different state than I was for a month and my inspiration is running a little dry. But I WILL finish this, and I'm not giving up.

"I appreciate this, Mal. You could be doing something more..profitable." Inara was sitting in a wooden high backed chair with her back to Mal, gazing out a porthole at the stars. Mal was standing behind her, gazing at a point slightly above her head with dark eyes.

"I am getting paid," he said shortly.

"But it's just a pittance and you know it, Mal. There must be another reason you're doing this." Inara looked up sharply as he gently tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, following his somber gaze out into space even as he stood silently. Looking down and brushing her finger across the spot where Mal had brushed against her skin, something clicked for the first time, and Inara looked up sadly.

"You know it can never work," she said finally, all the little gestures and oddities falling into place. Finally, all the little tidbits she had stored away for reflection and questioning fit and she felt a lingering dark sadness, sadness for Mal, who could never get the love he desired, and sad for herself, who was forced to deny the love that Mal offered to her. "Nothing can change, you know that."

Mal just stood silently, gazing out into space.

The favor Inara had asked was to pick up a friend and fellow Companion, Valencia, in the port town of Alisson. Alisson was a bustling place, but it was more known for its black market than any item it sold legally. For the most part, the Alliance turned a blind eye, save for a cursory annual raid so predictable that the markets were open a week before the hit. But when Serenity arrived in June, it was teeming with less than savory people.

When Serenity pulled into port, Vee was excited to nose around. Kaylee was looking for engine parts as always, and the others were looking forward to a little break. Zoe, who was getting bigger with each passing day, asked the two of them to try and find some cloths to fit her swelling form, and River, let out grudgingly by her brother, went with them, spirits light.

Despite Alisson's reputation as a vital part of this sector's underbelly, it was a bright open city. Vee, who was still limping from her old injuries and the resulting scars, was grateful for the space and warmth, and the others seemed just as pleased. Kaylee has found her parts and the three of them all carried bags of maternity clothes for Zoë. But the real jackpot came when the three of them stumbled upon a grocer who had just gotten fresh produce in that day.


	14. Chapter 14

Outstanding notice

As of now, I am moving my fanfiction archive to another archive site. If I have chosen to continue any of the works currently incomplete, they will be cross posted there.

The link (minus the spaces): /users/ allofthefandoms

If the work is not on that page, it has been discontinued.


End file.
